8 Ways to Rebuild a Past Relationship

A breakup cuts deeper than physical wounds. Not knowing how to regain love hurts the most, even if you want to; it’s like swimming against a tide (but tides do turn). Rebuilding a past relationship can be scary and draining, but it is achievable when appropriately attempted. Here are 8 ways to properly repair a relationship or start over.

1. Bootstrapping Emotions

Bootstrapping emotions means checking whether your partner is still emotionally attached to you. To find out, send a “Hi” in their DMs; if they reply, tell them you just wanted to check on them and that’s it unless the person decides to take the conversation further. If you were blocked in their DMs, try leaving an open-ended comment on their non-viral post. If they reply, you can take it up from there.

Leaving a note that reads “You’re always in my heart” on your ex’s desk can do a lot. However, don’t feel bad if they don’t respond to your message; give them time to heal while you show healthy consistency. Maybe one day they’ll come around.

2. Act First

Act first; take responsibility for the shortcomings. Pick up the phone and sincerely apologize for always forgetting their special days. Or, kindly let the offender know you’re willing to forgive and wish to love again. Your ex might be nursing similar thoughts but couldn’t act. They thought you were still mad at them and wouldn’t respond favorably.

A checklist before acting first:

• Understand what went wrong in the relationship.

• Identify your own mistakes and areas for improvement.

• Ensure your desire to reconnect is genuine and not driven by loneliness or guilt.

• Be clear about your intentions and what you hope to achieve.

However, don’t expect an immediate “yes” from the other person. Exercise patience and let them digest the process.

3. Ask or Offer Help

You can rekindle love by either asking for help or offering it. According to psychology, when someone helps someone they don’t like, they’ll adjust their attitude to like the person they’ve helped. If it were me, I would offer help to regain love. Find out about the other person’s needs and seek their consent to render assistance.

If you’re permitted, then lend a hand. Another way is to render help through their close friend or relative and communicate it later. Note, you can’t bribe your way back into a person’s life. Make sure to convey the idea of care and affection and not subtly. Offering help is most effective if you didn’t cause the split-up. Otherwise, kindly take responsibility and apologize.

4. Mend with Words

Use words as a mending tool if you and your partner decide to get back together. Avoid getting back at your partner with hurtful words; you’ll worsen the situation and hurt yourself the most. Use constructive terms when arguing; your voice might be loud (speak calmly always) and reasonable.

Make a deliberate effort to explain your actions and apologize nicely where necessary. Also, normalize calling your partner “you’re my sunshine” and similar affectionate terms. Words add spark to a relationship and are an effective tool for rebuilding a relationship.

5. Work on Yourself

Work on yourself, improve your character, don’t hide flaws. Fixing a broken relationship requires more than “I’m sorry”; it requires the determination to do the right thing. Asking yourself the right questions like “What went wrong?” and “Did any of it cause previous breakups?” will bring clarity. Be honest about whose fault it was. Get a friend as an accountability partner.

If you’re not comfortable talking to a friend, include a professional. Professionals like therapists are often closest to family in cases of a breakup. They help in purpose rediscovery. If you were never the problem, you can move on or work towards regaining love. Pro tip: Sometimes, going out of shape can cause a loss of interest; consider registering at the gym to work out, keep fit, and stay healthy.

6. Recreate “When We First Met”

Recreating your first date is a fun way to add sparks to a dying relationship. The idea is to take note of what attracted your partner to you. Before splitting up, there’s always a noticeable loss of interest between parties. While you notice diminishing interest in your partner, don’t assume they’re cheating on you. First, find out what they liked about you that you stopped doing.

Think hard; you might be shocked at how far you’ve drifted. People may lose interest because of a change in fashion sense. For instance, I’ve heard that a guy broke up with his girlfriend because she no longer wore the red mini skirt she wore on their first date.

7. Set Ground Rules

To love someone again is almost impossible. When you’ve succeeded, put ground rules and DOs and DONTs in place to prevent previous experiences. This requires both parties to honestly say their minds. This may include what they like the other person doing to them and what they don’t like.

An example of a DON’T is “Don’t refuse my food because you’re mad at me.” You wouldn’t want to hear mine, lol. If the issue was staying out late, agree on a time to get home. If it won’t be possible, then put out an accountability call. After all, a relationship requires discipline, and discipline thrives with rules.

8. Move On

Let’s face it, rebuilding a past relationship doesn’t always work out because you can’t renew a broken bond alone. Move on, instead of losing yourself attempting to regain love. Give yourself time to recover. While in the recovery process, stay away from relationships for the moment.

You can invite your parents or family to stay with you or go to them. Family truly cares. Eat good food and read uplifting books. On overwhelming days, let the scream out and get teary if that’s what it takes. Emotions have a lifespan of only 3 hours, so hang in there. If you need a professional ear, see a therapist. And when you’ve gotten past whomever, move on and mean it.

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